You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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