You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
