Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
