two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
