I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
