Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
