mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize