Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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