wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
