i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ok first of all what the fuck
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
