I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
