i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
