we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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