We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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