She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
