somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
