I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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