U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
