I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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