how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
