Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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