just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
