I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
