Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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