five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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