You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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