you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
