yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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