just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
