Your face is a jimmy john
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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