It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
