am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
