If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there is glitter all over my balls
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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