They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
