So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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