I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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