he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
