btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
