At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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