Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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