I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
