So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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