Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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