I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
