oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
