Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
