My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
