So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
