Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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