I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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