i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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