OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
