Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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