i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
