If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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