We're like a lot better than the average bears
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
