Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize