Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
