Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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