Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
