so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
