***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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