Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
