Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize