What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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