she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
