hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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