Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
