Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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