I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
