you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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