Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
