i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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