Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
