upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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