Cold hands, warm shart.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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