Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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