youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
