I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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