ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
