So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
