Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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