Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
