How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
God, I missed his penis.
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