Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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