I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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