i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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