forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
