His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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