i dont even know how to be here
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
