would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
