What a fucking waste of an outfit
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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