I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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