you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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