You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
