Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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