Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
