Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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