I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
