Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
