I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
