Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
