after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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