She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
