I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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