did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
