Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Congratulations! We have a period
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
