woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
