If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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