I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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