I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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